10 Things Unemployed Graduates And Dogs Have In Common
Does anybody know what an adorable Jack Russell, who barks at strangers and loves playing catch, has in common with a 22 year old graduate who eats Nutella with a spoon and spends her days on recruitment websites? I didn’t either- at first. But low and behold, the similarities started to pile up as I started feeling more canine by the minute.
Now, I’m not saying I dig holes in gardens and chase cats. However, there are certain habits that are starting to reflect my own now that I’ve spent enough time on a sofa. Why else would I getting hyper over trips outdoors, sleep all day and chase the postman (more on that one later)? There’s no other explanation: I’ve turned into a dog.
Still don’t believe me? Just have a look at the list below, and maybe then you’ll realise how bad things have gotten:
- Life revolves around meal time
Nothing has happened all day, apart from that car almost running over the neighbour’s cat (insert evil laughter). But there is that one magical word that makes everything better. It sounds like garlic, steak and steamy potatoes. It’s music to my ears. My nose is filled with so many smells that I go into sensory overload.
It’s dinner time!
Oh dinner! It’s been so long! And you’re finally here! Well, you will be here once these humans finish cooking. I’ll just run around and get in their way, see if that will make them go any faster.
- Someone at the door is the most exciting part of your day
They call me Dog, protector of this realm, and I will defeat anybody who tries to come in unannounced. Wait…what’s that? Is that…a car? It is! On my street?! Well,as long as they…oh no they didn’t! They’re actually walking towards my door!
Well, I bet they didn’t count on me being here. For I am Dog! I bite, I bark. I’m one bad ass puppy! He’s coming and I’m ready! Wait a second…it’s just that leaflet guy from the Chinese takeaway. Talk about a let down.
Maybe I should stop watching GoT reruns…
- Sleeping all the time
No human can compete with my sleeping patterns. You say you stay in bed for an extra hour? Try three! You have a nap after lunch? Try one after every meal! And speaking of epic, try falling asleep within a moment’s notice. That’s right! I can lay down and…puff! I’m asleep! And what do I do after a long day of sleeping? I sleep some more!
It’s a hard life…
- Any excuse to get out of the house is amazing.
I may spend most of my day sleeping, but there’s nothing quite like the thrill of going outside. What will I see? And more importantly, what will you give me if I go out for a walk? I’m thinking treats!
- Sometimes you have to be reminded to go to the toilet
What was that thing I needed to do? Oh well, it can’t be that important. It’s too comfortable here anyway, wedged between another fat dog and a giant pillow.
Damn, there’s that nagging feeling again! Did I really forget something? All I can remember is getting up, running around and then wanting to…oops…
Out of my way! OUT OF MY WAY!
- Postman hatred
So we meet again, Mr Postman. You think you’re so cool with your blue shirt and full time job. Just the thought of your excellent holiday bonus makes me mad. Grrrrr…Well, all I need is one email telling me I’ve got an interview at Primark. Then we’ll see who the real winner is. For now I’ll just snap at your ankles and make you run away. Pussy…
- Taken care of by your parents
Where would I be without my owners? They feed me, love me and let me go for walks without a leash. Now that’s trust! Other dogs say I’m a little too co-dependant, but what do they know? Getting food with your own money? That’s a crazy idea! I’d much rather take advantage of their hard-earned cash.
But don’t worry! I do thank them! I even bring the occasional dead rabbit around as a gift.
- They go on holiday without you
So much for that dead rabbit. Those stupid humans have decided they’d rather leave me at home with a spotty teenager instead of taking me on an all-inclusive holiday to Tenerife. You think they love you, but they’ll drop you like a hot potato when it comes to travelling.
I bet they’ll love the surprise I left in their bedroom. And this time it’s not a dead rabbit…
P.S: In the real world, I just let a few messy friends spend the night in their room. I’m not that much of a dog…yet.
- Personal hygiene isn’t much of an issue
When was the last time I used deodorant, you ask? Well, I only went outside for a quick walk yesterday, and I didn’t even leave the house the day before that…so…a week ago? Nah, I’m just kidding! But now you mention it, something is starting to smell a bit iffy…
- You have no money and solely depend on the generosity of others
Lets get things straight: I may not have any money of my own, but I do get generous loans from my owners, friends and the government. And will just look at all the lovely toys I’ve bought with it! A new squeaky bone, a kennel, an Ipad…