Unexpected separation issues with my dissertation
On Wednesday I finally handed in my undergraduate dissertation of 12,000 words. I’ve gone through most of the usual experiences in writing this paper; from feeling it is going to be a ground breaking piece that people would feel privileged to read by the fire in the evening, to realising that it is actually the most sinfully boring topic that I could have possibly chosen, before finally accepting that I am never going to be happy with the final piece but know that I needed to just hand it in and get it out of the way.
But finally handing it in felt a little like an anti-climax. I’m not really sure what I was expecting it to be like (was there going to a welcome party of all my tutors cheering me in like the end of a triathlon, or maybe just a cash prize), but in the end a couple of elastic bands were unceremoniously wacked around it and it was dumped in a draw along with countless others. I didn’t feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, or the sudden urge to drink my body-weight in rum. All I could think of doing was cracking on with revision for my exams that start next week. The trouble is I can’t make myself start it.
It’s like a hole has been left where my dissertation used to be and I’m not really sure how to plug it. Revision for my finals seems like the only thing I can do and the last thing I want to do. All my friends are revising now so there isn’t even a way for me to blow off a little steam (not being particularly partial to the whole drinking alone culture). A class mate of mine who I went to hand in my paper with had no problem getting back to work, revising for our language exams moments after getting back through the door. People tell me there is only three weeks left of uni; just work and hold off until the exams are over. The problem is there doesn’t seem to be anything for me to ‘hold off’ from. I don’t feel the urge to go out. It’s weird but it’s almost like the only thing I can think of doing is reading my dissertation! I’m reading absolutely anything on the internet, in books or in papers just to stop myself leafing through my paper again. I can’t seem to let it go but I know I have to. Hopefully this gap left by my dissertation won’t be long lived, and if it is I need to find a good way of plugging it with something productive.